Few years back, I had a friend and roommate named Julie. She was an extremely shy person. She always ran away from crowds and avoids socializing much. One day, i came back and when I entered the room, she was sitting on the couch in a very nervous state. I asked her the reason but she didn’t answer because she was so occupied in her fears. On my constant questioning, she showed me a wedding invitation. It took me a while to understand that she was feeling nervous about going to the wedding because there will be huge crowd. It’s not only her. Almost 4 out of 10 people feel awkward and shy in social gatherings. Therefore its extremely important to overcome shyness and social anxiety, for personality development.
Causes of Feeling Shy
- Too much self consciousness
- Negative self evaluation
- Difficulty in removing the shy label
- Self disliking
- Pre occupatipon with self in gatherings
- Think too much about others point of view
Tips to Fight Shyness
Shyness is a symptom that shows that you don’t like who you are and feel ashamed of yourself. But you should remember that it is not an inborn trait. Its just a habit and you can easily control it. I will suggest the same tips to you like i have given to my friend. Try them and you will notice the difference in your life:
Find Out the Triggers
A person does not get shy in all the circumstances. There are always some situations in which he behaves awkwardly like at a wedding, party, reunions etc. So if you want to be confident than firstly recognize your triggers that make you feel shy. Most of the people feel comfortable with their family but when they encounter a stranger they became unable to communicate.
Try to appear confident until you are not good at it. To do anything, you have to learn and practice it more and more. Same goes for socializing. If you feel shy in front o people than start acting like a confident person no matter how much sacred are you from within. If you will be able to pretend like one, you will gradually become one hell of a cool person.
Learn to Start a Conversation
Generally the most difficult task for shy people is how to start a conversation with someone. To avoid this difficulty, they mostly try to flee from the situation and remain silent. So if you want to overcome this problem you must learn how to start talking. You can introduce yourself like’ ”Hi ! im Jack. We are in the same maths class”. Try giving a compliment’ ” Hi! cant stop myself from telling you that this shirt looks great on you” or ask a question that the last due date for report.
Don’t listen to the Inner Coward Voice
We all have a stupid little man sitting inside our head that prevents us from socializing the normal people. He keeps on criticizing our efforts and make our self-esteem lower. So don’t listen to the voice of your inner critic and just go for it. If you keep on satisfying him, your chance will be gone. So just relax, think of a phrase to start a conversation and start it.
Avoid the Shy Label
Don’t put a label on yourself that you are shy. Once it got stuck in people’s mind, it will be very difficult for you to get it out. So never allow others to put a label on you that you don’t socialize. Instead make them believe that you are just unique and choosy in socializing.
Find Your Strength
Shyness mostly comes from the thinking that you are no worthy of anything. So find your strengths. Everyone is good at something and you have to find the thing you are good at. It will give you confidence and make you fell worthy.
Love Yourself to Overcome Shyness
Learn and practice to love yourself. There is nothing more empowering than liking your own company. Recall the things you like about yourself. Praise your abilities, go on a self-date and enjoy your presence. To make others like you, you have to love yourself first.
Face Your Fears
Instead of running away from the uncomfortable situations, face them. If you avoid social events, you will empower your fears more. So turn the stressful situation into a soothing one by changing your thoughts. Once you conquer your fear, there will be no need to run from it.
Practice Social Skills
Constant practice can make you good at anything. So cultivate your social skills by practicing them more and more. Put yourself in uncomfortable situations by yourself. The more you go for it, the more it will be easier the next time. Think beforehand what you are going to say and just do it.
The Three Golden Questions
Some people become so nervous while socializing that they start showing off their anxiety. Remember to be in class. When you are going to do it just keep on asking yourself these 3 questions:
Am I breathing?
Am I walking with grace?
Am I relaxed?
These questions will prevent you from bigger disasters
Get Out of Your Comfort Zone
Put yourself into things that are out of your comfort zone. Join a club or gym, go for a trip with strangers, learn a new skill etc. If you learn to face the fear of unknown, you will conquer your shyness. So don’t do the things that are easy for you instead pick up the challenges.
If you are interested in learning about getting out of Comfort Zone, here is another detailed Article, covering it in detail :
In short, if you are also having the mind bug of shyness than you are not alone in this problem. Just keep it simple. Start practicing the above tips. You can easily improve your social skills this way. Most of all! Don’t forget to love yourself for who you are because no one else will do that for you. I hope this article helped you out in understanding, How to overcome Shyness & Social Anxiety.